I’m slowly trying to spruce up my blog and make it look more lived in (it is a home after all). I updated my about me (thanks Indecisive Eejit)


I’m going to take better care of myself. Last year with my shunt failing was not okie dokie. So doing my occupational and physical therapy exercises daily is a must. I’m hoping to get more active with streaming too but that’s not a quantitative goal. I’m getting my Covid booster on Wednesday! How did you spend New Year’s Eve and do you have any resolutions?♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️


I’m recovering from my surgeries at lightning speed. I’m planning to return to streaming after the holidays 😀 Speaking of, I hope you all are well and have the merriest of Christmases and a happy new year!♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hospital 🏥

I’ve been sick for the better part of three weeks. I’ve missed my moms birthday but I may make it home in time for my brothers. My shunt finally gave up and the inter cranial pressure gave me huge exploding headaches and nausea with non stop vomiting 😦 I’m getting a programmable one put in tomorrow and hopefully this nightmare will be over.

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and it was filled with laughter and happiness ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Stream of Consciousness

I know I said I’d keep up with my blog more. I’m sorry, I haven’t been. But today I had a spark of inspiration. With all the media we consume day to day, I got to thinking. I am white. Am I proud of this? No, it’s just a fact. But in this realization my mind wandered a bit further to how “white privilege” is a thing. I’ve never really thought much about how my race can be seen as “privileged” but I do now, and I’m appalled at myself for not thinking of this sooner

I had watched an interview with Viola Davis and she had said how acting is so much more difficult. That you have to fight harder for respect and recognition.

I’ve certainly learned not to take my race for granted

Big Update

How has everyone been? I got my second Covid-19 vaccine on the 18th of April. So yay fully vaccinated. However, the first weekend of May, I was in the hospital because my shunt line blocked. For five days I couldn’t eat or drink anything and have it stay down 😦

So in the hospital I had to wait 12…you read that right, 12 hours for IV fluids!!! I also had to get IV nutrients because I still couldn’t keep anything down. I had blood tests done, X-rays of my shunt line, CT scans of my shunt line. A very tiring process. The nurses finally got my on a cocktail of meds which cleared everything but I was very nervous trying to eat, scared it wouldn’t stay down.

When I got out of the hospital, I had some more blood work done and was diagnosed with iron deficient anemia. Yay for diagnosis!!!

But in all of this I’ve started walking again, trying to get outside more, I’m trying to get healthier overall.

I hope everyone has been well. Stay safe and healthy!!

No More Tuck-ins

My mom just let me borrow a book to read “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle has made me feel more woke than ever. It’s made me realize that we all need to trust ourselves, to love ourselves. To become ourselves. To not fall prey to peer pressure. Deep inside ourselves is a fire raging to be released. It is our “Knowing.”

To go within ourselves and learn to tune into the “Knowing” while blocking out the “What-if” and the fear, breaking free of the group dynamic, will help us all learn to live.

I love my mother dearly and I always will. But “Untamed” taught me I need to be myself, to not rely on my mother reminding me to do chores.

Her mother is living with us and the change that brings is difficult. I have to rely on myself and remember “hey I forgot to do ‘x’ (insert chore here)”

I may be in my thirties but I know I should’ve grown up a long time ago. It’s hard, I’ve relied on others to help me remember things, and I see now how draining it can be. To my mom, I kneel deeply apologetic that I have been the child that never seemed to grow up. I really see now how difficult it can be having to have a mind that remembers things for three people.

Mom, you are the most amazing and wonderful person I have in my life and I love you very very much

It’s April

I deleted my YouTube channel since I wasn’t posting. Kind of feels good with less pressure to post, but it feels weird being anonymous in comments.

After doing that I realized I couldn’t comment at all so it’s empty but it’s back 🙂

Wants and Insecurities

I want to start streaming. I’ve been saying that for a while. I’m just nervous. My setup is in my basement so I could get interrupted. I know I don’t have a dual monitor setup so I could be staring at my phone to read chat. I’m not like some of my favorite streamers and YouTubers and I feel so self conscious the more I think about it. Eek.

St. Patrick’s Day

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. May you celebrate responsibly and safely during the pandemic.

I will admit the pandemic hasn’t changed much for me (aside from my grandmother living with us). Just waiting for enough vaccine supply to schedule getting vaccinated. It’s hard waiting I’ll say. When I see everyone getting vaccinated I feel envious wondering when it’ll be my turn. Just gotta keep waiting.

I’ll admit I haven’t felt much like posting only because the pandemic is pretty much all that’s on my mind. *taps head* it’s empty up there. I hope everyone is doing well 🙂

COVID thoughts

I don’t feel like I have much to say. I hope everyone is well and safe. It’s a very slow empty time. Sad, since I want to start blogging more but there’s nothing new to write about

A New Year

Happy new year everyone! I hope Santa was kind to you. May this year bring joy, peace, relaxation and relief to all ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hmmm 3 years later

I’m going to be 30 tomorrow and I’m not sure how to feel. Thinking how much the world has advanced in STEM is something I’m happy to contemplate. And yet, I fear in this uncertain time we are more divided than ever. That saddens me deeply. Still…can I cheer myself for another year on the mortal coil? Sure why not!!! Hope for a brighter future, whatever it may bring ♥️

Back in the Saddle Again

I’m back everyone!!! After 3 years away (long story involving getting locked out of my account) *stretch* it feels amazing to be back. I’m older and wiser (maybe) but I look forward to getting back to blogging

Great Updates!

I finished my administrative office management program back at the end of January. I was voted “Most Professional” by all my peers. I got my MOS certification for Microsoft Word and in three weeks I’m going to take my Excel certification. I’m nervous but excited. After that I have to study for Outlook and PowerPoint. In addition I’m going to keep plugging along in professional development pursuits. I hope you guys had a nice Easter 🙂

Holidays and Other Thoughts 

I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season. I wish I could apologize for me lack of posting but as I’ve been very busy in class. I just looked at my stats and noticed how far they’ve dropped 😦 I do prefer quality over quantity but I still feel sorry that there hasn’t been many goings on around here

A Slow Gathering of Ideas

These past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and realizations. On Monday, I started a course that is two weeks of resume tweaking and cover letter writing. The remaining eight weeks are administrative skills learning. Honestly, at first I was apprehensive, scared and felt frustrated. For me with my issues it’s been hard to get and keep a job. But now I feel like things are turning around. I feel a sense of cautious hope and I want to do everything I can to be someone potential employers want 🙂 I hope you guys are doing well and I’m off to sleep. 

Big changes

So I’ve been pondering going back to school to get an associates degree. I could do a gen ed degree where I only have 7 classes I need to take, sadly some of which I have zero interest in. The other option is to get a degree in something I actually want to study 🙂 I’m kind of torn in a way. I still have time to think about it though. How’ve you guys been?

It’s Been Way Too Long

Did you miss me? I’m laying here with all these rambling thoughts and I thought I’d check in and try to start posting again 🙂 I was also thinking about posting in general whether it be on Facebook, twitter, other social networks, or here and that too for me thinking that if you want to keep reading my blog, I should post interesting stuff. 

My life has been in a state of normalcy with the occasional hiccup here and there. I quit my volunteer position and though it was with a heavy heart and an unsure future that I did so, I feel at peace. Is that weird?

I’ve been applying for jobs and weirdly it’s been kind of fun. It’s making me realize I might want to go back to school. 

Well it’s fall so get warm with cider, fires, hoodies and jumping in the leaves ❤

Morning Thoughts

It’s been a long time since I last posted. With all the mishmash of bad things in the news mixed with the politics, I just don’t feel like trying to talk about something like that. Yes, they are important issues but the last thing I want is a political free for all and fights with words strewn across my blog.

World of Warcraft: Legion pre-patch just released and normally I’d be playing it but my gaming heart belongs to another…Elder Scrolls Online:Tamriel Unlimited. There’s loads more to do than I think WoW ever had during the run I had with it. Ive been throwing my free time into it and honestly? I feel much happier with it. Not only is there lots to do but the story is more immersive to me, the lines between good and evil aren’t as clear cut and to me there’s more to think about than just running from quest giver to quest giver.

I’ve had some big thoughts in the morning concerning myself on a deep level as I try to connect with the world outside myself. I feel as I get older I have (or I try to have) a deeper understanding of things around me that I rarely had to think of growing up. I fear it has made me more cynical and wary of others but also more true to myself and knowing with whom I should associate myself.

I hope you all are doing well and I’m unapologetic about my lack of posting, only that I believe quality is better by all means than quantity 🙂 I hope you’re enjoying your summer (or winter for those in the southern hemisphere)

Lesson 48: A kick from behind…

I love this so much. I think this is what I need to start searching for 🙂 I mean happiness is fleeting

Lessons in French

Life sometimes wallops us on the back side.

Target Concept by ponsulakHave you ever found that? Actually more often than not you are just amiably piloting your way through the maze of your life and with no warning you get a fat slap on your rear end that sends you careening through the hedge to the other side of who knows where.

There you sit – aching seat side,totally confused and bewildered. I have to actually chuckle because a few years ago I thought that was just totally not on. How dare we get a butt whacking when we are seeking after everlasting happiness … the nerve of it.

Here is the kicker though – and not in the butt or maybe that is exactly what it is –  life is not about finding happiness.

Say what? Can that be true – after all these years if us searching with such vigour and…

View original post 596 more words

Easter thoughts!

Happy Easter everyone 🙂 I hope the bunny has been good to you. Today is Jazzys first Easter and I love how much that makes me feel fuzzy and happy 🙂

Happy March :D

I have a lot to update you on, I hope your March is going well. It will be the start of spring soon (though we’re forecasted to get snow this weekend). I got a hamster roughly a month ago. Jazzy is the cutest little Syrian. From the time I got her she’s a little over 2 months old 🙂 She resides in a 35 gallon bin cage and she spends a lot of time running on her wheel. She takes treats from my hand and lets me pet her. She loves apples and melons. I love her to pieces and I want the best for her always.

Your Dysfunction Conflicts With My Function

Happy Blogversary.

Last week I got a notification. Sadly I didn’t notice till now. It’s been four years since I registered here on WordPress. I’ve made lots of friends, followed many inspiring blogs, and made a little niche for myself here. Despite how barren and empty it may seem as I haven’t felt anything post worthy in a while, I hope you’ll continue to follow me.

I’m Tired of Everything

Society and its demands of the populous has reached a peak of ridiculousness and it must be stopped.

  1. Where does it say anywhere that a woman or a man for that matter must like boys or girls romantically or sexually? Despite the fact that gay marriage is now legal in the USA, many people continue to make a stink about it. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, all types of sexuality and gender definition are perfect! People are who they are and their decisions shouldn’t be any one elses opinion except for those they trust if they feel like talking about it.  It doesn’t effect you!! Who are you to say two gays can’t marry, or for that matter that anyone has to get married?! If you don’t like it, keep it to yourself instead of trying to poison the human race with your bigotry and stupidity.
  2. SHOW ME WHERE THE FUCK IN THE CONSTITUTION OR BILL OF RIGHTS IT SAYS WOMEN HAVE TO DRESS A CERTAIN WAY. Regardless of how a woman dresses, getting raped or assaulted is never her fault. She wasn’t asking for it. Not in the way she looked, acted, or was dressed. It’s the mans fault and always will be. Men are pigs. They can’t keep it in their pants and being taught or drilled into their heads by society that it’s ok to rape or assault anyone is not ok by any means!!!!!
  3. Vaccinating your kids. Public and private schools require you to vaccinate your kids before they can be enrolled. That’s just the way it is. If you don’t want to vaccinate your kids for whatever reason, you should realize you’re doing them way more harm than good.Until you agree to vaccinate your kids, they won’t be gettin an education through any public or private school system. So get ready to homeschool them!
  4. Voting. It is a right through the constitution and you should preform your civic duty for the good of the nation. Your opinion counts and is considered greatly. We live in a democracy where the government is chosen by the people, for the people. Without votiong, there would be anarchy. Ultimately it’s your decision of course but you should understand the mistake you’re making by not voting.
  5. Politics. Regardless of any research you may have, DO NOT SHOVE YOUR VIEWS DOWN ANYONES THROAT!!!! You may however, engage in a respectful no holds barred debate.
  6. Abortion. this is a tricky subject as we all have our views. Myself personally, I have a mixed opinion. For one: abortion is murder. Why would you want to murder the thing growing inside you? Over those months you’ll get very attached. The flipside to this is if a woman is raped. You’ll have anger, feelings of hopelessness and invasion. You may feel as though you can’t live with a constant memory of what happened to you. You may wish to abort your baby. This is your decision and no one elses and that’s ok.

How to Create Blog Posts That Remain Relevant Over Time

Of my Top Ten most viewed posts in 2015, six of them were posted in the eighteen months before. This could mean that a large amount of what I created last year was rubbish. Or, (as I like to put a positive slant on things), it could be because these six particular posts remain relevant […]


Quick and Easy Nutella Brownie Cake

Those of you who follow me on Pinterest may have noticed the amount of things I regularly re-pin on my ‘Desserts’ board. In fact, I can quite easily spend hours salivating over beautiful recipes, making a promise to myself that one day, I would actually bother to try them. Unfortunately, I’m no Nigella, and while […]


tiny beautiful things 

Source: tiny beautiful things 

Breaking Out!

Over the three and a half years I’ve had this blog I’ve realized big things. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about others, about the way we see each other. Many times I’ve though of giving up on this blog, scrapping it, and starting anew. I guess I’m tired of not being authentic, of censoring myself, of all the doctoring I do constantly. A few of the blogs I follow have touched on this themselves and I guess it’s their way of saying that they’re passing the torch and so it’s my turn.

I have these words inside me screaming to come out. I want to be an open book. I’m tired of censoring myself. I may lose followers (I hope not) but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

I won’t bore you with the way most stories start “Once upon a time” and ending with a hearty “And they lived happily ever after”. No that’s not how this is going to go. Sit down, grab some coffee because this is going to be quite a ride!

Stories start with “once upon a time” and end with “And they lived happily ever after” or something similar but this isn’t a story. I can’t just snap my fingers and make everything OK.

I had a relatively happy childhood (as told to me by my mother). That’s how you know this post is going to get deep. Like 7 ways to Sunday, 6 feet under deep. Let this sink in… I don’t remember much of my childhood. I remember  weird things like the color of my baby blanket, what laying in the cold tube of a CT scan machine felt like, the colors in the rooms of the house my grandparents owned in upstate New York. Stuff like that. Weird considering I was only three at the time.

The first concrete thing I remember after that?…

My mom owned a little gift shop in the center of town. (I think of it as the center of town anyway) She sold candles, jewellery, glass pieces, candles, toys for kids, etc. Sometimes I’d go in after school and help out. Understand, I couldn’t do much but I’d organize candles on shelves and put price tags on things. It was awesome, tons of fun.

After that? Nothing vivid or in color until I was thirteen. My parents were fighting and eventually got divorced (though I don’t remember much of the fighting). I had two hutches and I remember seeing them both as I got ready for bed one night and the next morning one was gone. I kid you not. For some reason that’s the memory I have but that isn’t how it happened, at least to my knowledge.

Then the eight years of emotional, narcissistic, physical, and at times bordering on sexual (incredibly inappropriate) abuse began. Why would someone who is supposed to care about me do such a thing? When people ask if I have a dad, I say no but I do have a biological father. He and my abuser are one in the same.

When I turned 21, I left his house. Best decision I ever made. Unfortunately, I still worked for him. I should’ve quit my job then too.I wish now that I could block him out. I haven’t spoken to him in over two years.

Now I’m a quarter of a century old. I live with my mom. I’m trying to put my past behind me. Each day I feel like I get further away but sometimes I feel ashamed. This whole thing could have gone differently. I wish I had known then what I know now.

Now you know my story. I didn’t post this looking for sympathy. I posted it to show that below the facade of my posts, is the deeper part of me that I need to bring to the surface.

My mom and I had been living with a roommate for what was a little over three years. During that time, I learned a lot about myself. Mostly through how our roommate treated and talked to me. She made me realize that my brain injury at birth is not something to be ashamed of (though I did feel ashamed during her stay). Sometimes she made me feel overly irritated and indignant. It made me realize I’m single because I WANT to be. Trying to deal with extroverts and people in general is rather difficult for me because I’m so guarded. I’m tired of people thinking that talking down to me is OK, or that I’m “slow” Despite the fact that I’m overly guarded and may make a person think I’m cold and uncaring, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m just tired of assumptions, I’m tired of people looking down at me, trying to talk to me and seeing that if I can’t grasp a concept there must be something wrong with me.

I may not be incredibly intelligent but that doesn’t give you the right to flaunt your know how about something and tell me my opinion doesn’t matter or that I’m wrong. That also doesn’t give you the right to sound so shocked that I may not know something.

There’s a reason why I choose to not be around people much. I don’t trust easily and I’m sick of being babied. I’m tired of people thinking I’m slow or that I don’t understand things. That doesn’t mean don’t talk to me!

Don’t be convinced that just because I may not understand something, it means I don’t have an opinion or you’re automatically right by default. I have an opinion! I may not have facts to back it up but I’m wise in some ways beyond my years. Before dismissing me, realize I may be right once in a while


I passed 400 posts few weeks ago, but I didn’t notice till now! I know I rarely have much to say these days. I feel like I have to censor and leave things out. Not get too personal. I miss being able to get deep into things like I did back when I started. I’m going to try harder to get back to the beginnings normalcy. I don’t like censorship and leaving things out because I want to be honest about myself. 

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Almost twelve hours into the new year and I’m cuddled up on the couch while my cat sleeps at my feet. I don’t know what this year will bring but I know I want to become a better person than I was last year. This year, as is every year is full of possibilities and wonder. Here we should take time from every day to pause and reflect on how we feel, where we came from, and where we are going. Our goals shouldn’t be a destination but a journey. Remember always (I wish I could take my own advice), that you are enough. Of course we should all try to improve ourselves but when we feel hopeless and down we should all remember that we are enough. 

Go With Honor Friends 

I unsubbed from WoW till Legion hits. I’m kind of sad about it but I only had it so I could post on the forums. Lately I haven’t felt any reason to log in. I’ll see everyone when Legion hits 🙂

Another thought

I have pretty much stopped blogging altogether. I’m not happy about it and I’m sure none of you as my loyal readers are either. That said, the rest of this month and for as long as this blog shall exist, I won’t be posting say 30 posts a month like I was back when I started blogging. I’ve been in a stasis because quality is better than quantity. When I write, I don’t want my posts clogging your feed because I want my posts to be well thought out and planned ahead rather than me treating it like some people do with Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram posting every five minutes. 

I feel it will be better all around 🙂 I love you all who have stuck with me and for your continued support. Have a lovely holiday season and a happy new year 🙂


Happy December everyone 🙂 I’ve had a very great year but it hasn’t come without its bumps. I’ve persevered time and time again though. I hope everyone has a great holiday 

On Halloween Night

I discovered something frightful. More frightening than turning the clocks back one hour. I’m almost to 3000 views and I haven’t posted anything meaningful in a long time. Back when I started my blog my thoughts were more free-flowing and I knew I had more to say that you always like to read about. Thought provoking posts always inclued a lot of comments, discussion and interesting thoughts as well

A post that speaks to me

This post just showed up on my reader but unfortunately I couldn’t reblog it directly. I’ve been having really big Epiphanys for years but I never thought about it really like this. 


Happy October. The leaves are turning, it’s getting nippy out, hot cocoa and apple cider. Pumpkin in all forms 🙂 have a great holloween everyone!

Connotation of Words

There’s the word “gay” meaning happy or attracted to someone of the same sex. There’s also the world “lesbian” which is the female connotation of “gay” related to being attracted to someone of the same sex. Why?

Say the word “lesbian” don’t put a tone to it or a pitch just say it normally. How does it sound? Now do the same thing with “gay”. How does that sound?

Were you able to say either word without putting a tone on it?

“Gay” is all encompassing while “Lesbian” is tied specifically to females.

Why can’t we all just say if we’re gay and not have the gender attached but more all encompassing?

Today: a day of remembrance 

I’d love to say happy September since I haven’t posted in a while. Considering the day for Americans though, I hope you don’t mind if I skip the pleasantries. 

Today marks the 14th anniversary of the September 11th attacks back in 2001. 

It’s odd in a way that I remember where I was when this happened. I was in 4th grade. It was 9:15 in the morning and the announcement just came on explaining what tragedy had befallen New York City. 

Stunned silence followed. It felt like you could hear a pin drop. After that, the teachers still taught but there was none of the mildly loud voices teachers sometimes need to use to be heard over the din of students. 

Each year, we should remember by flying flags and half mast and having a moment of silence to be respectful of the many lives lost that day

A Post That Speaks Volumes 

Rebuilding from the bottom up

This post spoke deeply to me. I couldn’t reblog it outright but here’s the link to read if anyone is interested. To have to rebuild yourself from the ground up is inexplicably difficult. I feel like each day I have to do that just so I can feel at peace with myself. Unfortunately, for me that good feeling is really hard to keep. Each time I feel like I’m getting closer, it slips from my fingers like water you try to cup and keep cradled in your hands. 

Feeling Unexplicable

Do you ever get a feeling deep in your gut that you can’t explain? Like you feel empty and withdrawn because you need that time to figure things out, but yet you want more…something. More fulfilling things to do? 

I’ve been getting into the very popular World of Warcraft. It has over 7 million accounts from people all over the world. 

It feels like the closeness I want with relationships but none of the drama. It’s a nice feeling. 

Still  I feel like things are missing in my life. I can play WoW for hours and feel weirdly accomplished with my virtual self which makes me feel marginally accomplished with my real self. 

I don’t want, and know I won’t turn into a 24/7 gamer but at least when you’re in a game that has danger, adventure, friendships, relationships and beyond (ok the occasional asshole too) it helps you get away and give yourself that mental break from the bigger problems. Of course you do get the added benefit of learning to multitask 🙂

What a great thing to know

I have plugged the URLs of the blogs I follow that aren’t WordPress blogs into the blogs I follow and all but one can be added to my reader 😀

A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

~ by Amy L.

To My Present Self –

I know right now you feel scared and lost. I know that the amount of pain you are in feels unbearable and you are scared to experience your feelings.

I know that right now you are afraid of the deep depression that you think you may go into if you stop and allow yourself to grieve it all. I promise you one day this will all make sense. I promise that you aren’t going through this in vain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I promise that you will get there.

You have all the tools, remember to use them.  Don’t use alcohol, work, or other men as a way to escape. Please have patience with yourself; your soul is going through a transition. Reach out and connect with people when you need help. You are worth…

View original post 338 more words

Cognitive Dissonance Removal Strategies: Harmful and Healthy Ways

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Abusive relationships often reshape your entire belief system. If you are like most victims of narcissistic abuse, you experienced a distorted sense of reality throughout the majority of the relationship with your partner. When your partner’s alternating sweetness and rage suddenly defied everything you believed about him or her, you experienced an internal conflict known as cognitive dissonance. This created great self-doubt about your ability to predict a partner’s abusive potential in the future. As human nature asserts, you began to seek ways to remove the cognitive dissonance, most likely by denial.

How Emotional Abuse Creates Cognitive Dissonance

Prior to the abusive relationship, you always thought you were not the type to fall under somebody’s psychological manipulation, but you did. When your awareness of the relationship first changed from feeling loved to feeling mistreated, you may have told yourself that he or she was just in a bad mood…

View original post 731 more words

Vulnerable and Unashamed

Or so I’d like to think. I find myself stripped. The core of who I am, unable to hide from your searching gaze and soft smile. Something I used to both really hate and something I loved and needed. I pull my coat tighter thinking somehow that will shield my soul from the things I never wanted you to find out for fear you’d see me differently. A woman who has endured more than she ever should have to. Meeting your gaze tentatively, I feel a shiver quake through my body and I bite my lip slightly dropping my gaze to the table, trying to discern a pattern in the dots that fleck its scratched surface. I quickly blink back the tears that are threatening to fall and feel all the old memories come back in flashes.

I never wanted us to part. I withdrew into myself for a time, losing all the people who I thought were friends to their inability to be there for the person who needed it the most and couldn’t find the words.

Written while listening to a remake of the Scientist by Coldplay. Remake done by Aimee Mann

Breakfast With a Friend 

Honestly, I’ve never been as excited in my entire life. This is a friend who was a second mother to me. She followed me through school until I graduated in 2009. Unfortunately, we lost touch for a long period. Next Thursday we’ll be catching up over breakfast. I am very happy and quite hopeful 🙂

Mapping the United Swears of America

Here ya’ll go

Strong Language

Swearing varies a lot from place to place, even within the same country, in the same language. But how do we know who swears what, where, in the big picture? We turn to data – damn big data. With great computing power comes great cartography.

Jack Grieve, lecturer in forensic linguistics at Aston University in Birmingham, UK, has created a detailed set of maps of the US showing strong regional patterns of swearing preferences. The maps are based on an 8.9-billion-word corpus of geo-coded tweets collected by Diansheng Guo in 2013–14 and funded by Digging into Data. Here’s fuck:

Jack Grieve swear map of USA GI z-score FUCK

View original post 360 more words

A day in which I feel nothing 

Yesterday was my biological fathers birthday. I haven’t spoken to or seen him in two years. I can’t call him dad because he never acted like a dad to me. Sure we played cards and had some good times, but that doesn’t erase all the horrible things he did. So to me, yesterday was just another day

How to Care for Long Hair

7 Signs You’ve Arrived as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

7 Signs Blog Pic

Recovering from narcissistic and emotional abuse can seem like an ordeal of the most grievous kind.

You may have endured months of struggle and suffering without knowing if you’re making any progress because the pull to go back remains strong.  You miss the moments under your abuser’s sway because, in your traumatized mind, cognitive dissonance and memories of so-called “good times” cloud your objectivity.

How do you know where you stand on your road to recovery?  Victory isn’t always in-your-face.  Arriving as a survivor of narcissistic abuse comes in waves, even ripples, but if you experience the following seven signs, you can feel gratified knowing that healing is within your reach.

1)  You’ve begun to appreciate that self-care is something you need to participate in consistently. Not only because you are healing from emotional abuse, but because healthy people in general understand the importance of putting on their oxygen…

View original post 889 more words

the semicolon project


FullSizeRender-1FullSizeRender Today I went to a tattoo artist, and for $60 I let a man with a giant Jesus-tattoo on his head ink a semi-colon onto my wrist where it will stay until the day I die. By now, enough people have started asking questions that it made sense for me to start talking, and talking about things that aren’t particularly easy.

We’ll start here: a semi-colon is a place in a sentence where the author has the decision to stop with a period, but chooses not to. A semi-colon is a reminder to pause and then keep going. 

In April I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. By the beginning of May I was popping anti-depressents every morning with a breakfast I could barely stomach. In June, I had to leave a job I’d wanted since I first set foot on this campus as an incoming freshmen because of my mental…

View original post 1,303 more words


Happy July and happy 4th to all my US readers. I hope it was relaxing yet festive:)


Stop looking for a knight in shining armor. You want a knight in beat up armor. They’ve fought. A knight in shining armor has done nothing

On a note: today is a happy day all over the USA. SCOTUS has made it official that gay marriage is legal in all 50 states. 

Design Changes

As you can see now I’ve changed my theme to make it easier to read and to me it looks prettier. What do you all think? Comments, Questions?

Forum to visit!

If you are a Sims player, visit here http://penguin-party.boards.net for good conversation and honest banter and debate. The forum is independent of EA, and they foster a kind and honest environment and welcome all kinds of Sims players, whatever games they love-we even have sections for all the side games too!  So go check it out and tell them I sent you 🙂

How Do Video Game Publishers Continue To Get Away With Mistreating Their Customers?

Everyone should read this article!!!

Morning Thoughts

When asked if someone can be a big douche my reply is anyone can you just have to want it. Also is there a coffee drinkers anonymous? I might be addicted. On that note, here sleep for ten hours, you’ll have tons of energy. *Wakes up* Here and drink this coffee it’ll really kick start your energy. *Gets to work* WHERE THE HELL IS MY ENERGY???

He’s Not All Bad and Other Dangerous Fallacies

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

It’s hard to admit, but…

You’ve been lying to yourself about your partner.

There’s an ever-widening gap between the person you want him to be and the person he really is.  You have an idea of what constitutes a healthy relationship, yet you forgive your partner when he commits serious relationship grievances because, after all, he’s not all bad.

It started out small, didn’t it?  You caught him in a “minor” lie, but he had a somewhat reasonable explanation for it.  When you put two and two together, his justification seemed sensible, so it changed from being a lie to a “slight misunderstanding”.

Then, when it kept happening, he turned your attention away from the fact that he was lying to your being “suspicious, needy, and insecure”.  So that when you’d catch him in another lie, he’d simply rage about your always watching his every move and how he couldn’t…

View original post 634 more words

Are you leading me?

2+2=4 right? And no I didn’t suddenly forget the answer. I’m using this equation to ask a philosophical question. Some questions only have one right answer. Why is that? We are taught to think for ourselves so until we learn for example that 2+2 does in fact equal 4, couldn’t we, to ourselves say it equals say…6 or something? Or let’s say you (the reader) and someone else (your friend) are having a discussion and you both look to me for advice or my opinion. Why if when it’s a disagreement would you ask me who’s right and then get mad at me because I didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear? I am an introvert and as a result I don’t talk much. When you are talking to me, I don’t talk much because in my mind I’m busy putting the pieces together to form a full and informed opinion based on my understanding of the situation. There should never be anything wrong with that. So why does society insist so much on leading us to conclusions? In the law that’s called “Leading the witness” and that’s when and “Objection” will be raised. So stop leading and expecting me to follow. I will draw my own conclusions.

Nancy Drew!

I’ve been spending the last week playing Nancy Drew games and it’s renewed my love of the series. 🙂 On a morbid side note are graves six feet deep so that’s what they mean when they say someone needs to be six feet under?

Revelations and then some

I love my family. I really do. Sometimes however, I feel like I’m 2 years old. I don’t have the words to express how I feel about certain things and it’s really frustrating because I can be very eloquent and yet my feelings are so backwards and I can’t make sense of them myself. If I can’t make sense of things myself how am I supposed to explain them to others? I keep trying to tell myself that feeling more than one emotion about a situation is normal but it feels like my brain can’t compute when I feel more than one emotion. Nothing is black and white but I want it so much to be black and white so I don’t have to deal with all this nonsense of conflicting feelings and junk. Awesome…just needed to rant

Happy June!

I’ve been around but I haven’t had any big breakthroughs that I’ve wanted to write about. How’ve you all been?

Emotional abuse and covert narcissism

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Emotionally Distant

Covert narcissism (or any covert, cluster B personality disorder) is very difficult to put your finger on. Many people waste years of their lives with covert narcissists trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Once they discover that it could be covert narcissism, they waste further time questioning if it’s really the case or not.

The reason for this is that many of us do not have clear in our minds what abuse is. We often think of abuse as only being physical and don’t clearly define what emotional abuse is. On top of this, covert narcissists are very good at covering up emotional abuse, denying that they are being emotionally abusive and actually projecting it on to you to the point where you doubt your own instincts and start to believe that it is you who has the problem.

Covert emotional abuse is very real and…

View original post 698 more words

Keeping The Personal From The Professional


Suzie Speaks

imageI went to my first blogging conference at the weekend – Blog Camp UK 2015 – that was hosted by the team at Tots100. It was a last minute decision – I discovered the event after it was trending on Twitter at 8.30am, and by 10.00am I had signed up, downloaded a ticket, got myself ready and was standing outside The Studio in the centre of Birmingham.

It was a brilliant experience – there were lots of food, mummy and lifestyle bloggers from all over the UK, eager to participate in the different workshops that were available, from creating a travel blog, working with brands and vlogging, to metrics, monetizing food blogs and eating yourself happy.

One in particular caught my eye, and it turned out to be one of the most inspiring 45 minutes that I’ve experienced in a while. Presented by Becky Goddard-Hill (@babybudgeting) and Penny Alexander (@PennyAlexander_)…

View original post 445 more words

Love Yorself.

Do you know how hard that is? When tellings of what a failure you are, how you’ll never amount to anything, put downs. They run through you like a stream of oil. Black ickyness. It’s really sad when someone asks you what your good qualities are, what you like about yourself and you can’t think of anything….*sigh*

The Real Truth, Or The Truth We Want To Believe?


Suzie Speaks

imageMy mother once said something to me that I deemed to be very profound and I have never forgotten it:

There are two types of truths: the one we want to believe, and the real truth.

There have been many situations where I have deceived myself into believing that situations were different to reality. I stayed with a sociopathic ex-boyfriend for far too long because I wanted to believe that he loved me, despite the appalling way that he treated me. I’ve continued with friendships that I knew had changed, simply because of the familiarity I felt and the length of time I had known them. I’ve ignored my intuition and repeatedly allowed myself to be taken advantage of by others on many occasions because I wanted to believe that they were good people, and I’ve found myself being emotionally burnt time and time again.

This self-deception, or even willful…

View original post 328 more words


After adding up the numbers, I have 150 followers. Thank you all so much! Give yourselves a round of applause! Your continued support means more than words can ever say. On that note, back to sleep I go. Goodnight my dears 😀

Sh*t Parents!

What. The. Fuck?


cwt edt


Botox Baby

This mother had attention drawn to her a little while back because she would regularly inject her 8 year old with botox. She believed that she was helping her daughter to become a superstar and that later in life with her wrinkle free face she would become a famous singer or actress or celebrity.

The little girl had told the media that she had been crying from the pain at the beginning, but that the pain subsides after a while.

Dangling Baby

In another of our stories, I brought you the woman who tattooed gang insignia on her screaming baby and just a few days ago some parents were in hot water for dangling their baby, (Michael Jackson style) over a cheetah enclosure in Cleveland USA.  Unlike Michael Jackson, they dropped the child!

The cheetahs, having exhibited more class and intelligence than the ‘parents’ (and likely…

View original post 170 more words

Life learning

A very hard skill to hone is to be open and candid with others. Our fear of rejection and lack of others caring prevents us from being able to hone such an important life skill. How will people know what we are thinking and really feeling if we don’t talk to them about it?

Happy Birthday Dear…David Tennant

Happy birthday love!

Nice looking people?

No. A vase looks nice. A work of art looks nice. When someone says nice looking people, to me that doesn’t work. To me, nice can refer to the weather or to the day in general as in “have a nice day.” How can a person look nice, unless you mean the clothes they are wearing. Trying to say someone is nice looking and you aren’t talking about their clothes, but their looks (smile, eyes, skin, dimples etc.) is weird to me. Nice in that sense should mainly refer to personality. And how can you tell someone looks like a nice person? I could be a total bitch! Photos don’t change even when the people in them do

Enjoy? No I don’t 

To use the word “enjoy” is to me the equivalent of lacy cuffs on sleeves. Itchy and it’s a word that makes me feel sad…it’s weird but it just makes me inwardly cringe

Doing a lot of Thinking

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist. However a feminist shouldn’t really be the word. By definition a feminist is a person who wants the same thing for both genders. Gender equality. I am a sapiosexual meaning I am attracted to people for their intelligence and personality, not their looks really. I believe in waiting until YOU feel the time is right to get married or have sex, drive etc. I will not do these things when society dictates me to. There are laws we live by and that is so we don’t get arrested or go out murdering people on a killing spree. It is so we can live cohesively as a nation and on a smaller scale a state, smaller still a town. We should not have to do things as society dictates because that would mean we all graduate at 18, for example. Some of us it may take longer to finish school. So what if we aren’t the societal definition of “normal?” Is that really a bad thing? If we all did the same things at the same time we would be in a world of sameness with no color, no difference. Is that what we want as a culture?

We should embrace our differences, scream it to the world and learn to understand others rather than shun them. If we all thought we were always right about everything, this is why we have wars going on. We need to embrace and celebrate differences. Not shun them

I have something to share.

I don’t feel God did anything or will do anything for me. I’m strong and will do things on my own, make my own decisions, so on so forth and what have you, without any divine help or intervention

A Book of Triggers – By: Jason C. Cushman

Dream or Nightmare 

I’ve been having some very unsettling dreams recently and they’re very vivid. Now here’s my question. What makes a dream a dream and a nightmare a nightmare?

Weird Things to Say in Chatrooms – Mario


Open that door.

Very moving and deep

Happy Birthday Dear…Eddie Murphy

Orbs of Thought

Do you ever think late at night? Those deep thoughts that no one else could possibly understand? I do, a lot. This morning I was thinking about our thoughts. Like orbs swirling around at light speed, like electricity through a wire.  When we talk about our thoughts, an orb gets released out into the world. Swirling balls of light and energy. The longer we hold them in the larger the orb gets. When we have a headache, we have too many orbs in our head needing to get out.

Celebarities and Tabloids, Newspapers and the Like

I learned this past week that one of my favorite musical artists was admitted to the hospital after being found unconscious in her home on Tuesday afternoon. I found this on Buzzfeed through Facebook. Why am I telling you all this? Because I love music and all artists, however there is a certain amount of guilt and general ickiness they must feel at knowing their name gets plastered all over the tabloids and newspapers. I know they must like preforming for a time but at the same time they want to be in the shadows where their face won’t get plastered just because they bought something at the supermarket. I personally feel ashamed of myself for occasionally picking up a tabloid and leafing through it…

What are your thoughts?

Happy Birthday Dear…Rhea Perlman

Happy birthday!!

Write Away


Isabella Morgan

I want to write away my frustrations – put them down on the screen so I can erase them again. But that doesn’t work, does it? Because until I let them loose send them away on the wind, out into the universe where they can get lost in other people’s thoughts–where they can mingle and be part of something else–they keep coming back. My frustrated writings are like boomerangs that I can only catch with my forehead, or like a cuff around the ear. Ever been hit by a frustrated boomerang? I think they twirl faster than regular ones.

So mingle away, frustrations!

I feel better already.

View original post

You’re saying it all wrong



When you were little, did you have a monster underneath your bed? A figment of your imagination? A demon? 

You were a child. Your monster was responsibility and growing up and all that comes with it

Drop in the Bucket 

I don’t blog as much as I used to. I don’t feel creative writing wise anymore. It’s a quiet realization that I’m not happy about. I do appreciate the comments, follows, likes, and the support I’ve received over the three years I’ve been blogging. Lack of discipline and creativity. Everything you all have done does still push me to keep trying. Thank you!

Dear WordPress Support

Just so you all know

Teacher Sues School Over Her Phobia of Children

What the hell is this nonsense?!

Happy Birthday Dear…Bryan Cranston

Happy belated birthday

What Colors/Colours… do you see in?

Such wisdom and perspective 🙂


Despite dealing with that…monthly evilness all women deal with, I managed to get all my work done and my desk spotless within two hours, and that was after being out for two days for my dentist appointment and my standard day off 🙂 I feel slightly accomplished!

Now only if I could learn to swallow pills, but of course my brain is telling my body “none of that shit”

My Health and Beauty A to Z

I love this! Thank you for sharing:)

RIP mr. Nimoy 

In happy news today I’m getting more tasks to do at work after finishing shredding ten boxes of stuff in just over two months. Yay!!!

In sad news today we say goodbye to the very talented Leonard Nimoy who made it big in Hollywood with his role as Mr. Spock, the intelligent and philosophical Vulcan on Star Trek. Mr. Nimoy passed away today in his home from COPD, a disease brought on by smoking which he gave up thirty years ago. 

Live long and prosper 

If Beauty and the Beast Happened in Real Life


New Word

emotional hangover- when you feel so mixed up in your head regarding your feelings and thoughts on a subject and you ruminate like crazy trying to figure it out because you don’t want to talk and yet you do but can’t find the words to express it verbally. You feel emotionally drained

3 years already?

Wow! How time flies. I’ve been registered here on wordpress for three years and what a wonderful three years it has been. I’ve met so many people and have had many deep and profound philosophical discussions with them. Though I don’t post as much as I did when I first started my blog last August, I’m still thankful nonetheless for the relationships I’ve formed over the years

A Rant about Memes

I don’t have to post a picture to prove anything. My views are my views and it’s too bad if you don’t like it

Facebook is littered with them – memes which state that if you care about something you must prove it by re-posting a picture with a bunch of often grammatically incorrect sentences or misspelled words. Things like, “If you want cancer to cured, re-post this in the next twenty seconds,” or “Share if you think animals have rights too.” Of course I want a cure for cancer to be found, and I certainly can’t stand to hear about animals being mistreated, but I never re-post these things – I don’t feel that I need to prove the way I feel to anyone.

But the one that really gets me are the “children with special needs need to be treated like anyone else” memes.

Like this one:

1517440_10205983584770964_93714871328423065_nNo. No, no, no, no, no. I won’t re-post this on Facebook. (Yes, I know it’s going to show up in my feed when I…

View original post 271 more words

The Berry It’s A Girl Thing: Best girly shit

Relax everyone!!

FanShip App by Gone Catawampus

This is amazing! Share with all your friends

Gone Catawampus

Ship (verb): to support or have a particular interest in a romantic paring between two characters in a fictional series, often when this relationship is one portrayed by fans rather than depicted in the series itself.


Are you part of a fandom?

Have you ever created a geeky-themed craft or cosplay?

Do you obsess about a character?

Do you fangirl/fanboy squeal when you see adorable pictures of the character and/or actor on pinterest or tumblr?

Have you spent hours of your life immersed in their lives through comics, TV shows, movies, or books?

Do you feel that entitles you to decide the ultimate romantic fate of your favorite character?

Well, we have the app for you!

FanShip is a brand new app that lets you decide and advertise which pairings you’d like to see.

Are you a classic Superman/Lois Lane shipper or are you more of a hardcore Superman/Wonder…

View original post 108 more words

Writing into the Void

Another perspective 🙂 thank you

Empire of Sludge

Occasionally I have to work the nerve up to writing where the whole world can see, I’d be lieing if I claimed I didn’t. One of the best ways I’ve found to do that though is through writing where no one sees. I’ve even got a third blog, private, that’s just for me. To write through the nerves, or the lack of ideas, or… whatever else. Because I like writing, but I don’t always have my head in the right place to be speaking from a pulpit in front of others (which is kind of what I do here, whether I think of it that way or not). I need to feel, well, like I’m writing into a void. Like I’m writing to no one at all. Just writing. That’s usually the most enjoyable way I write.

The sharing, the presentation of it, the comments, all come second to that I…

View original post 121 more words

Breaking Up with a Narcissist

Hmm. Something to think about

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Breaking Up

“Breaking up with a Narcissist”.  These are common search terms that lead people to Let Me Reach.  While I am glad that readers are searching for ways to end their toxic relationships, I usually feel a little anxious for them because I know that “breaking up with a narcissist” is no easy feat.

Generally, when partners of a Narcissist start searching for ways to end the relationship, they often believe that doing so will offer them quick liberation from the agony they’re experiencing.  After all, when we feel depressed or anxious, we simply make an appointment with a therapist and he or she will likely prescribe pills to deal with difficult emotions.  We can schedule a massage and experience fast relief from pent-up stress.  Finding information that we want is as simple as entering search terms into our web browser.  Because we live in times where instant gratification is so…

View original post 917 more words

Happy February!

Happy February! The month of love! What a stupid thing to say hmm? You should love the people who have good intentions and who care about you all year round.

In other news, it’s still early in the year but I already feel I’ve let myself down since I haven’t been writing every day, either in my journal or on my blog.

Enjoy your February everyone 🙂

2015: No More People Pleasing

I want this book


First of all happy new year everyone! I hope your holidays were bright and cheerful.

Secondly, I’m making a lot of changes in my digital life. I’m starting to clean up my Facebook of old friends, past things that shouldn’t be unearthed, that sort of thing. I have a job I’m very lucky and proud to have, an amazing group of coworkers whom I have a great pleasure of knowing and I’m really starting to grow up.

I’m making these changes as I have no interest in partying or overly silly social friendships. By that, I mean I want friends who I can have deep, intellectual discussions with. I don’t want to go to a mall and people watch. I only shop when I absolutely have to or want to treat myself, both of which are seldom unless you count food, books, art supplies.

That’s all that’s new with me. How have all of you been?

Private? No, Not I

What do you guys think if I post my story of survival on my blog? Names would be changed but would you read it? Please comment as I’ve been struggling with this decision. Thank you!

Kitt O'Malley

Selfie Fig Tinted

On The One Hand

You own everything that happend to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.

– Anne Lamott

On The Other Hand

we ask that you keep confidentiality for anyone else who may have played a challenging role in your recovery journey. Even if you don’t mention a specific name,  be careful that the identity could not be easily inferred due to an immediate relationship, such as parent, etc.  This includes facilities and/organizations as well as individuals.

– DBSA’s Guidelines for Life Unlimited Stories

Then, there’s this: I have a tendency to exaggerate. I do not lie, but I am known to have a flair for the dramatic. So when my uncle read my piece about my father’s dementia, he became very alarmed, not knowing that my father is still quite sharp. My dad’s definitely still smarter than your average bear (Yogi Bear reference, for…

View original post 79 more words

Happy New Year!

I have one goal so far! I’m going to write every day either on my blog or in my journal. Happy new year to you all! Do you have any resolutions or goals?

To post or not to post?

A lot has happened to me this year and I need to get it all off my chest. At some point I may do that. A lot of it is rather…dark. I feel like my blog has turned to a big pile of mush since I’ve been transcribing my journal over the past few days.

A journal by nature is private, personal, not for prying eyes but for those who need to write. Maybe I’ll either turn my current blog into a journal or make a new password protected blog.

Hey, it would give me a reason to write every day 🙂

Happy holidays!!!

Don your silly sweaters and make fondue, roasts and other delicacies for a festive holiday feast 🙂 don’t forget to include Christmas music


You’ll Deprive The World.

Very true. However, I’ve never been happier as of late. May it continue!


Snow has bloomed across my blog and I’m making plenty of changes. I’m going to start posting a lot more since I have more time and I feel more relaxed, in a writing mood 😀

Why Go No Contact with the Narcissist?

For healing it’s very important to keep no contact going for as long as you can. Even after the order has expired, have the discipline to keep it going without the help of the legal system.

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Woman Leaving

If you’re reading this article, it’s likely that you’re searching for reasons why No Contact is the best way to sever ties with the Narcissist in your life.  You may have already read some material and are now confused with all the conflicting information out there, or perhaps you haven’t yet found anything that resonates with how you’re feeling at the moment.

Perhaps you found suggestions, tips, and reasons such as:

  • No Contact gives you the upper hand and the last word
  • It’s the most hurtful narcissistic injury you could inflict
  • It provides you with much-wanted revenge
  • It’s a great form of punishment
  • It’s a great way to make the Narcissist miss you

…and the list goes on.

If you’ve been mistreated, discarded, and/or found out your partner has been unfaithful, the above suggestions may seem appealing.  However, none of them are good reasons for implementing No Contact.

The best reasons…

View original post 444 more words

we’re scared.

Something that is indeed very true

Posting schedule wonders

I remember back when I started my blog and made a name for myself in the little corner of the Internet I call home, I was posting three times a day. As my schedule got busier with school, my posts were maybe two times a week. Now that I’m out of school because I want to work instead, I feel like I should be back to my old schedule of posting. I’m not though, and it’s kind of sad to me. I don’t have my blog for the views really, I just noticed I get a little pang of sadness when I realize how low my views have gotten. Maybe life hasn’t been that interesting as of late. Hmmm…

What are your thoughts on the frequency of postings in a blog?

Beginning December thoughts

To everyone who has completed NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo, I salute and applaud you. December starts tomorrow and it’s the last month of the year. It seems like just yesterday we were all ringing in the new year! Happy December and enjoy the coziness of snow falling as you curl up in front of the fire with your cinnamon hot cocoa and a good book