Nighttime Wonders

Published August 20, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

So again you find yourself staring at the clock. 11:00, 12:00 the minutes slowly tick by and you’re unable to sleep as usual. You turn over and try to sleep. Irritated, you flip and flop. Something is bothering you, you know this but are afraid to acknowledge it. You try reading, breathing slowly, anything to help you get to sleep but nothing works. Burrowing under the covers you sigh angrily and close your eyes tightly. Your phone vibrates. Three fast, three slow, and three fast, the universal SOS. Sighing you look, your eyes blurry. “Can we talk?” The text reads. Biting your lip because you know your feelings are going to be flipped upside down, you answer back. “Yes. Is everything ok?” You both don’t sleep but instead he calls you. Your heart melts a little. How good it is to hear his voice again. After a few moments of talking you hang up and start texting. Telling each other all your thoughts. “You’re treading a thin line” a voice in your mind whispers, but you don’t listen. You’re too confused. It’s been so long since you last talked and now you don’t know what to do. You feel hollow, like walking a tightrope. “who will catch me if I fall?” you muse quietly. Of course your fingers type faster than your mind can acknowledge and you spill your heart out to him, just like old times. He listens, asking questions, to clarify naturally. At the end he leaves you with a thought. “It’s your choice. What is your heart saying?” Of course you tear up, but you don’t admit it to him then. You lay awake, his parting words weighing heavily on your mind as you try to sleep once again. In your heart, a war rages on between the boy you feel is your soulmate and your best friend. It’s like flipping a coin. The second the coin is in the air, you know which side you want to come up. Are you willing to face the consequences? You could be with your soulmate and feel like its right, but his past actions have shown he’s just as confused despite what he says. You feel deep down you want to be with him but you’re afraid. You’ve had so many doubts and are worried it won’t work in the short term. Doubts that only surface mostly when you can’t talk to him. The big thing is this feels safe. God forbid you break up, but at least you could distance yourself. Or you could be with your best friend. A boy you’ve known for four years and care for dearly but who only has a year left of school. However, history has a risk of repeating itself and that worries you also. If you break up, you’d still be in the same state so you couldn’t heal as easily. You lie awake and this is what keeps you up at night.

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