Today I found myself thinking as I was getting a ride to work, about how my grandfathers birthday is coming up. I thought of how old he and his wife are getting…not to sound rude. He’s going to be 85. Surprisingly, he takes very good care of himself physically, emotionally and mentally. Anyway, I was thinking this and thinking how he lives in Florida. Whereas I live in Rhode Island. At first I felt very guilty, as I am one of those people who is horrible when it comes to remembering birthday and holidays, so most of the time people won’t get presents from me unless it’s a take them out to lunch kind of thing. While I’m thinking this, I’m getting a little sad. My mother is also getting older. Hell everyone is! I got to think about getting married, having kids, moving out. Stuff in the future. I got sad because I worry about my parents a great deal. It’s just what I do. I guess you could blame my boyfriend in a way. We were talking about the future we want together and I was the one who brought up grand kids. What can I say? I love my boyfriend to pieces. I want to have grand kids…I want to show my parents I’m capable of taking of someone else besides myself, you know? The thought terrified me that my parents won’t be around to see their grand kids, to see me get a diploma from college, to go to an art show with my stuff in it. I don’t know, it just made me sad. I’d like to think I take care of myself fairly well. I mean I know I need to exercise more, but of course I get a fair amount in but I know I could do better. I’m still a stick basically and I’m fine with my weight. I guess I was thinking how I wish my parents would take better care of themselves. Maybe it’s just me but I worry about my parents a lot. They worry about me way too much it seems and they don’t take time for themselves to relax. Always rushing around and such. It bothers me greatly that they worry more about me than they do about themselves. At least that how it seems to me. I guess I know I’m far from perfect in most peoples eyes, except for my boyfriends of course. I know I sound like a whiny teenager who hates her parents but I’m trying to make the point that if they don’t worry about themselves, much to their dismay that job falls to me. Once or twice a month I have breakfast with my brother, and sometimes our discussions turn to our parents. We love them so much but they seem so stressed out and aren’t doing much to combat the stress that will drag them down.
Mom and dad? If you’re listening or reading this, please take care of yourselves and stop worrying about me. I love you dearly and I always will but when you worry more about me, it seems like you forget to slow down and think about yourselves. I know I’m not the perfect daughter, in fact I’m far from it but I worry about you more than I worry about myself. I can’t help it and I’m sorry I’m like that. I’ve been this way all my life but know I love you both deeply and I hope you’re around for the big events in our lives.