Moments of…Well?

Published September 6, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

Ever have those moments when you’re talking to someone and you say something you didn’t mean, something far out in left field and you’re thinking what the hell brain? What’s the matter with you? Or your significant other tells you something and you find yourself up at night, with your head in your hands because you’re stunned or shocked and you just don’t know what to say? This post is supposed to be about regrets but I don’t think of these seemingly disconnected events (that’s what I tell myself anyway) as regrets. I guess you could say I’m really hard on myself and I don’t have what are regrets. I have major screwups. Those are big. Those are the nights when I’m sitting there asking “Why?” And “Where did I go wrong?”

Take my parents for instance. Much to my dismay when I was younger, they got divorced and I didn’t see it coming. My best friend at the time did though. For the longest time, I felt the split was my fault. Sometimes? I still do. I did everything I could to make sure they were happy and always put what they wanted first before what I wanted. To this day, I am still that way. Swinging more in my fathers favor in most cases sadly. I never used to swing more one way, I always tried to be equal. When I moved out of my fathers house…ok ill admit that I felt a little regret. I mean he and I didn’t have a very good relationship but he was still my dad. As I got older though. I realized that it wasn’t about them anymore it was about what I wanted. To be selfish if you will. I currently work for my father and in an odd way it’s brought us closer together but I hate seeing the disappointment on my mothers face when I do something with my dad but I don’t mention it to her. Take yesterday for example. I talked to my dad during my break at school and I’m going to have breakfast with him on Sunday. I didn’t tell my mom…I’d say I didn’t think of it at the time, I don’t know why. But I felt guilty anyway. Between work and school, I’m spending a lot of time with my dad and not that I hate it? I feel like my mom and I are drifting apart and that’s one of my biggest regrets. I would love to spend time with her but I get home from work and school and I’m just so tired. I feel awful! I feel…regret

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