Sitting quietly…by myself

Published September 27, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

The year is 2009 and I’m sitting alone at a table. I look around but everyone passes by me, through me almost. As if I’m invisible. I search for my used-to-be friends. But they’re in class. Both of them. I sit eating quietly but I feel everyones eyes staring intently at me, or maybe through me. I don’t know. I glance to my left and behind me, but no it’s just trick of my mind. Playing tricks. As it does when I’m alone. I sigh, fed up with trying to eat under the scrutiny I feel is directed toward me and hightail it to the hallway near my next class. I sigh trying to read as I can’t seem to think above the din of the whispers. Am I going crazy? It feels like it sometimes. I was always an outcast. Never really interested in friends. *chuckles* we’re all different. But I always felt awkward in social situations. I mean, I have a friend from high school still but other than that I’m very happy with my lonely nature. I don’t feel interested in trying to make friends. I’m different. Some may call it cold or socially awkward. Call it what you will, I’m not offended.

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5 comments on “Sitting quietly…by myself

  • I enjoyed reading, Meredith. I don’t know what it’s like to be an introvert but, I do know what it’s like to feel ignored and invisible. Being different can be a beautiful thing once we learn to embrace our differences. I hope that you can learn to love who you are and that you’re not alone. Everyone feels different at one time or another and it doesn’t get easier the older you become. You were born to stand out not blend in. ; ) And, you’re beautiful just the way you are. Was that too cheesy? Yeah, I can be pretty cheesy at times. But, I meant every word.

    Sincerely,

    B.

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  • Several years ago, someone gave me a book, “Please Understand Me,” by David Kiersey and Marilyn Bates. It’s about personality types… I cried all through it. For the first time in my life, I felt I’d been given permission to be different than most people, to prefer solitude to crowds, a few close friends that wouldn’t amount to much of a party if I hosted one…

    Now, I’m raising a 16-year-old daughter who is the same way. She’s still coming to grips with the idea of being unlike the majority. Celebrate you. Your talents. Find people who share your interests, who won’t take it personally when you choose to stay home instead of joining a group function. Again, celebrate you, just as you are.

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    • Thank you. You have no idea how much your comment means to me. I certainly am celebrating myself even if I am somewhat alone. I have difficulty making friends as they always hurt me in some way sooner or later but again thank you for your kind words 🙂

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