Do you ever feel good and feel like things are OK then suddenly they aren’t? You walk around in a daze, trying to figure out why you feel bad…stuck. Like walking through thick mud. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve stood in the shower leaning my head against the wall thinking. Why I take long showers…the place of life decisions. Of times when I feel wrong. Take this morning for instance. I felt pretty good. But when I took my shower, I just felt….ehh. I guess I was thinking about my boyfriend, and how part of me has the gnawing doubt he won’t come to see me. I was thinking about my paintings and how my teacher has an issue with everything I do. I’d like to get A’s and get my things in the show at the end of the semester but part of me knows it won’t happen. I know my work isn’t good enough. I mean I look at everybody elses work and it looks like they slaved over it! Me? I cried for 20 minutes then very delicately put something together. Took me 5 hours but at least I did it. If it’s not good, I don’t know what is. I feel so inadequate. You should see me on my Saturday art classes though. I feel much more relaxed. Probably because I know I’m not fighting for a spot in a show and I’m not getting graded. But I still want to do my best. I guess I’m rambling because I don’t know how to explain things.