Stop, Let Go….How Can I?

Published October 22, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

There’s 64 days until Christmas as I was told last night. 64 days huh? That’s 64 days to get gifts for others, 64 days to get a tree and clean the house. 64 days to obsess and make sure everything is perfect. Perfect hmm? What if Marcus doesn’t come, what if he decides to disappoint you again? How will you feel? Well…I don’t know the answer to that. I mean last year he did and I was very sad, cried for days. This year? I guess since I expect him to not get his act together I feel empty. People ask why do you stay in this relationship if he keeps disappointing you, if you haven’t even physically met? I used to brush people off and say I don’t know. Mostly because although people care, others are just curious and will use your weaknesses against you. I guess I stay because he’s across the country. It feels safe. I’m very emotionally invested in something that feels safe. Yes we may break up…god forbid but we may and yes I’ll be devastated but at the same time it would hopefully be easier to let go. But we tried this back in February. The break lasted 7 days when we both realized we couldn’t live without each other. He’s making a behind-the-scenes effort. Working long hours so he can get more time to see me. The boy who hates traveling for work refuses to get another job or go back to school. I’m here just trying to be the supportive girlfriend and I’m at a loss. I just feel if we were to break up I don’t think I could open my heart to someone else because I’d never be over him…

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