Spiraling

Published November 4, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

There was a time when I was happy. As happy as I could be anyway. I felt I had life under control. I could easily juggle school, a part time job, my friends, my steady relationship with my very loving boyfriend, and my hobbies without a problem. Everyone could be happy and I felt awesome! Now? Not in the least. I recently made the decision to take next semester off, much to my parents dismay. It’s not their fault. It’s 100% mine. I just can’t do it all anymore. I know my parents, will say I don’t care anymore. They’d be right but not 100% right. I do care, I really do. I’m an Art major. I love everything having to do with art. I’m just under too much pressure to keep my grades up, get my stuff in the show at the end of the semester and make sure it’s good. I’m taking three classes and I can barely keep up. It’s too much. I get more done in two hours at work than I do at school. It’s not that I don’t apply myself. It’s that I’m frustrated and what gives me joy and happiness on the weekend it’s a burden, a chore. Next to doing laundry at home, it’s my least favorite thing to do. How sad is it that I’d rather do laundry than go to school? I can’t keep up with deadlines and my work looks like a five year-old did it. I feel so rushed and I can’t seem to enjoy it. On Saturday, I’m  more relaxed because I’m not competing for a grade or to get my art into a show. I’m expected to balance everything and I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve been told to cut back on my hours at work which I can’t do because my help is appreciated and needed. I don’t spend much time with my friends anymore because school and work suck up my time. My relationship with my boyfriend for the time being, is long distance. I hate that but it’s good in a sense because it’s the one thing I have control over. I don’t feel like I need to be perfect and when we talk I don’t feel perfect at all but he loves me anyway. Over our texts and the times we’ve talked, he’s seen me at my lowest and stuck with me through it all. He is my rock. I have my friends but I’m so busy with life throwing me around and never giving me a break that I never get to spend time with them. I feel like a horrible friend and a failure at life. If I had been given the chance to make bad decisions and live with the consequences, I feel I’d be better prepared for adulthood.

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