I’m Sorry I’m Not Perfect

Published November 5, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

I’m not perfect. Far from it in fact. You tell me I’m perfect for you and I love that you feel as strongly as you do. However, I feel like such a burden though I do love you dearly. I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I really don’t. I dump on you constantly and you just take it. Telling me everything will be fine. About how much you love me. How even if I can’t see how I’m the perfect one for you, you still love me. I know we’ll make it through. I’m stressed and I’m scared. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and you are my rock. I feel safe. We don’t have the most conventional relationship but I’ve never been normal. You know the idea of dating someone in my state. It requires more work. It’s more stressful than I can deal with. I love you because you’re so simple. We can go days without talking and it doesn’t bother me. I know that sounds awful but I mean it in the context of I don’t depend on you. I’m not like most girls who freak out if they don’t talk with their sweetheart every five minutes. I’m just not like that. I hate admitting when I need help. I swear a lot. A study showed people who swear a lot are more trustworthy. I’ve put up with big disappointments. Like Valentines Day, Christmas last year, my birthday last year…I just can’t give up on us. It’s not that I like being disappointed, it’s really not that. It’s that I’ve invested so much of myself emotionally I’ve let you take walks through my mind, to try to unravel, understand me. You know how hard that is for me to let someone in, much less you. I’ve never felt so lucky to have you in my life. I lie awake at night and all I can think is how much you don’t deserve me. It’s not fair to you just to take everything I dish. I know my mother is worried. She thinks you have laughs at my expense for every promise you make that you don’t keep. She doesn’t want to see me get my heart-broken. That’s the funny thing with distance, I’m in deep emotionally but it would be easier to say goodbye if us ever came to that point, god forbid. She is afraid what will happen if you propose and I say yes. I would in a heartbeat. I don’t know you, is her philosophy. Sure we don’t physically talk on the phone, like a normal couple but what is normal? This is the generation where texting is the norm and that’s fine with me. I have a playlist for you. To say everything I can’t. I’ve let you in deep into my psyche and that is really what naked is. To have someone so deeply invested emotionally. To break down the walls you’ve built and let them into your mind. I don’t have a good past physically with guys. That’s why I love us. We can take things slow and don’t have to rush. It’s been two years. Two wonderful years, though sometimes it has been stressful. A real relationship does have fights, arguments, good times and bad. But most of all it has love and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

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