Anxiety

Published December 10, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

Saying I hate loud noises would make this too easy a prompt. Although it’s true that I have to cover my ears for the fire alarm or anything higher than that decibel, there are many silent pains I feel that bring me anxiety. Trying to please everyone is one of them with school being a close second. I can’t do both and I don’t get any joy out of sitting in a classroom to learn, even if it’s something I want to learn. It’s weird but just being in school gives me great anxiety, no matter how much I try to hide it. I wish I could overcome it. I know I don’t really work hard but I hate being tied down to deadlines that I can’t control. I finish the work early and do a crappy job because I don’t want to work on it more and miss the deadline. Anyone who knows me will say that’s a lame excuse but it’s not about what they know. It’s what I feel.

It’s not just the work. It’s the enemy I have. Or rather, someone I used to know. I saw him last week and felt unspeakable anger that, if I knew I couldn’t get in trouble I would have decked him over the head. But I bit my tongue and tried to control the bubbling anger I felt. Of course when I walked out of the kitchen in the span of the two minutes I was there, he was gone. I’m not paranoid though I am jumpy. Point being, he saw me and didn’t want to risk talking knowing we’d both regret it. Smart move but still. Anxiety ensued. In the end we can’t control who we see but we can have choices to avoid these anxieties from coming up.

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