Mixed-Up Thoughts In A Mixed Up Mind

Published December 13, 2013 by meredithwyatt1990

This is weird. Usually about this time I feel ready and actually excited for Christmas. This year? Not in the least. My boyfriend is supposed to come and that excites me very much and makes me happy but other than that, I don’t really feel ready to celebrate. I feel like crying. Same as I do every year, though I try despite failing miserably to not cry. I just don’t feel in the Christmas spirit. My dad has a stocking my grandmother made for me. I don’t feel like it should bother me but it does. It’s not his specifically, it’s mine and I don’t live there anymore. His house is a part of my past and I need to let go as much as I can to save my own sanity. He does have a cat who has been in my life since I was little and I have a responsibility to feed him when my dad goes away on trips. I just feel stuck. I still work for him and although I love my job, deep down I don’t want to inherit the company. He has amazing health benefits and I love my coworkers but…I don’t want to keep doing this the rest of my life. I really don’t. I want to be in art. I want to be in art but I want to do it on my own time without being smothered by restrictions and told that my assignments are “wrong.” They might be wrong in the terms of the assignment but maybe I put my own spin on what I understood the assignment to be. I just want to end this strife over school, I really do. Let me take a semester off and use that time to plan for my future. I’m not trying to be a jerk but I feel I have a point too. If you’d listen to what I have to say instead of yelling at me and telling me how stupid my plans are right now maybe you should listen. Who knows? You might find I’m right once in a while.

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